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Scott Francis Baker


May 16th, 2000

(no subject) @ 11:05 pm


I made a big decision a little while ago.
I don't remember what it was, which prob'ly goes to show
That many time a simple choice can prove to be essential
Even though it often might appear inconsequential.

I must have been distracted when I left my home because
Left or right I'm sure I went. (I wonder which it was!)
Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction
Utterly absorbed, it seem, in quite retrospection.

For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray.
And that is how I got to where I find myself today.

-

Explorers are we, intrepid and bold,
Out in the wild, amongst wonders untold.
Equipped with out wits, a man, and a snack.
We're searching for fun and we're on the right track!

-

My mother has eyes on the back of her head!
I don't quite believe it, but that's what she said.
She explained that she'd been so uniquely endowed
To catch me when I did Things Not Allowed.
I think she must also have eyes on her rear.
I've noticed her hindsight is unusually clear.

-

At night my mind does not much care
If what it think is here or there.
It tells me stories it invents
And makes up things that don't make sense.
I don't know why it does this stuff.
The real world seems weird enough.

-

What if my bones were in a museum
Where aliens paid good money to see 'em?
And suppose that they'd put me together all wrong,
Sticking bones on bones where they didn't belong?

Imagine phalanges, pelvis, and spine
Welded to mandidles that once had been mine!
With misassemblage, the error compounded,
The aliens would draw back in terror, astounded!

Their textbooks would show me in grim illustration,
The most hideous thing ever seen in creation!
The museum would commission a model in plaster
Of ME, to be called, "Evolution's Disaster"!

And paleontologists there would debate
Dozens of theories to help postulate
How man survived for those thousands of years
With teeth-covered arms growing out of ears.

Oh, I hope that I'm never in such manner displayed,
No matter HOW much to se me the aliens paid.

-

I did no want to go with them.
Alas, I had no choice.
This was made quite clear to me
In threat'ning tones of voice.

I protested mightily
And scrambled 'cross the floor.
But though I grabbed the furniture,
They dragged my out the door.

In the car, I screamed and moaned.
I cried my red eyes dry.
The window down, I yelled for help
To people we passed by.

Mom and Dad can make the rules
And certain things forbid,
But I can make them wish that they
Had never had a kid.

-

Now I'm in bed,
The sheets pulled to my head.
My tiger is here making Zs.
He's furry and hot.
He takes up a lot
Of the bed and he's hogging the breeze.

From The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes

 
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Scott Francis Baker