I went straight from work to my parents house. My mom fed me a quick dinner and proceeded to tell me that things are worse with my grandfather, who up until three days ago has been in good health. Apparently they think he may have cancer throughout his whole body, in which case it would be inoperable. They gave him 6 months without treatment or 2 to 5 years with treatment. My father said he talked to him and he said that he would like to let "nature take it's course." Which is what his brother did when he died a couple years back. I can understand that, and I think that's noble. I just hope that he's done everything that he wants to with his life.

It just opens up a lot of possibilities and what ifs really. What really bugs me is that my cousins, my real young cousins, will never really get to know him. Eric and I were just at his house the other day and I mentioned "by this time next year Grandpa you'll have two new grandkids," to which he replied in all seriousness, "I hope I'm still around." I never expected to hear that. I guess maybe in his own way he's ready for that. I can't imagine preparing for your own death, that's crazy. Maybe I'll think differently when I'm 70, but at 21 there is no way I could do it.

It's just so hard to deal with, death is no fun at all. I'm far to emotional when it comes to this crap. I've only been to a handful of funerals in my entire life, and that's too many. I guess in the grand scheme of things this is how it has to work out, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.