It just opens up a lot of possibilities and what ifs really. What really bugs me is that my cousins, my real young cousins, will never really get to know him. Eric and I were just at his house the other day and I mentioned "by this time next year Grandpa you'll have two new grandkids," to which he replied in all seriousness, "I hope I'm still around." I never expected to hear that. I guess maybe in his own way he's ready for that. I can't imagine preparing for your own death, that's crazy. Maybe I'll think differently when I'm 70, but at 21 there is no way I could do it.
It's just so hard to deal with, death is no fun at all. I'm far to emotional when it comes to this crap. I've only been to a handful of funerals in my entire life, and that's too many. I guess in the grand scheme of things this is how it has to work out, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
