August 23rd, 2000


(no subject)

So I'm listening to "Mark and Brian" on the way to work. Brian tells a story about a dinner he and his wife went to at a restaurant. Apparently there was an actor at the restaurant that was in one of the soap operas that his wife watched. So as they were leaving Brian made a comment to the man along the lines of "My wife was just telling me that she watches your show all the time." Apparently that mortified his wife and she got very upset. She said that maybe she never wanted to meet the actor, to which Brian responded, "why would you not want to meet him." I think that's a perfectly valid argument. His wife was on the phone and was quite upset. She claimed that they were just back from a trip and she wasn't looking very good. Who cares! I would rather meet someone I thought was interesting looking like crap then to not meet them at all. That doesn't make any sense to me, and it didn't make any sense to Brian either.

(no subject)

Dave and I had to go to Costco for work to pick up some candy for "thank yous" we're going to give out. I walk up to the door (gate) flash my card and the guy says "you're going to have to wait."

Aparently Costco opens at 10:00 AM, but only for its business customers. The rest of us heathens have to wait till 11:00 AM to get in.

(no subject)

19 Things That It Took Me 50 Years To Learn by Dave Barry

1. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6. You should not confuse your career with your life.

7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never lick a steak knife.

11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

12. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

16. "The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

19. Your friends love you anyway.